Author Archives: Janet

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About Janet

I am a woman who stands in awe of her loving and Faithful God. I am the bride of Rich for 31 years, and the mother of four grown children. I recently retired from homeschooling all four of my kids for 21 years total. I am also the blessed grandmother of two. Currently I am a Bible teacher and weekly devotions writer for Women on Wednesdays Bible Study, a local women’s ministry. https://www.wowjcmo.com/ May God bless you and reveal to you His everlasting and faithful love!

Don’t Miss It!!!

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I’m often stunned by how quickly beautiful moments come and beautiful moments go. This morning, after getting the turkey in the smoker, I was sitting in my easy chair next to my husband sharing time in the Bible and a cup of coffee. I looked out my window and saw the most stunning sunrise. The colors of orange, purple, yellow, and blue lit up the eastern sky. I mentioned it to my husband and he said “Yes, it’s beautiful.” We continued our conversation and then moments later I looked out the window and it was gone. The sky returned to a cloudy, overcast blue.

Today is a day of Thanksgiving. It is a day of reflection on the goodness of God in our lives over the past year/ years. It is a moment, just like that sunrise, where I can see unimaginable beauty, and then in another moment it will be gone. Changed by the March of time.

I’ve don’t this Thanksgiving thing for 48 years now. Each one is different. People have come and people have gone. Each one was a moment that I need not ever miss. Today as I reflect on the good things that have come to my life this past year I look forward to the good things that will come in the New Year, and most certainly I don’t want to miss the moment I have. I’ve went from a battle with 4 kids tearing through my house trying to keep the chaos clean for family to come for the holidays, to only two older teens being left. So many moments just like this morning while my husband and I sit side by side enjoying a cup of coffee and talking about life, observing a sunrise together. It’s so good but then it’s gone. So many moments have come and gone. So many I didn’t want to miss.

I am thankful for the blessings of God on my life. I’ve walked through good times and excruciatingly painful times. He has always been there. He’s given me many moment just like today that I need to just soak in and enjoy. Because 10 years from now everything once again will be changed, and this moment I didn’t miss will be a treasure I can reminisce about and be thankful that I didn’t miss in the years to come.

Don’t miss it today! All the business that perfection of the presentation of our feast, the cleanliness of our homes, the stress these things can bring, can be robbers of the moment that only will come once and then be gone. Soak it in! Embrace it for the moment you have! And Thank God for the life He has given that provides all these beautiful moments we have been blessed with. Happy Thanksgiving and Don’t miss it!

Superwoman or Slave- Is there a difference?

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I am superwoman, or at least that’s what I think I am.  I’m pretty sure I’ve lived with a superwoman complex for quite awhile in my life.  If my life looked like someone carrying a load of firewood in their arms, I would be the one with wood stacked up over my face, struggling to hold what I have, yet telling you to go ahead and pile another log on top of my stack.  “No” feels like a dirty word to me as it rolls off my lips. If I’m honest, I’ve lived much of my adult life overloaded.  

A few years ago, I was involved in a Bible study with some ladies. We were encouraged to write down our pressures of our life so we could pray about them.  My list of responsibilities came to twenty-one items. I can remember writing them out and thinking about how I couldn’t fathom letting go of a single one. I was needed by others and I had to serve.  However, this list of responsibilities had consumed my time so much so that my time had to run like a well-oiledmachine, lest one little distraction from it would become a stick in my cog in the wheel and cause my machine to grind to a halt.  The thought of that happening was frightening to me.  I began to realize that something had to give.  I needed to let go of my load one task at a time.  

It’s pretty easy to forget that the life Jesus died to give us is not a life bound up by slavery and taskmasters, being driven from task to task until we fall down exhausted at the end of the day.  Instead He is a shepherd who wants to lead us. Not from task to task, but from field to field of provision given by the gentleness of His hand.  

A few years before the infamous “list of responsibilities” was written, I had a practice that has been neglected as of late.  Every morning I would grab a cup of coffee, go up on my deck, and watch the sun rise.  It was a time of quiet reflection and prayer. I would sit in awe of the artistic beauty God had created as the colors in the sky slowly bounced against the wispy clouds and glistened on the trees and grasses of the fields. It was there that I would take time to write poetry and pray and I felt the closeness of God.  As each taskmaster shouted out at me through the years, my time became less and less on the deck enjoying the gift of the sunrise waiting for God to gently lead me through the day.  I responded to the demands and believed the lie that yelled that everything was all up to me.  Then as I submitted to their demands, my time on the deck slowly dwindled to none.  

Since I wrote that list a few years ago, the unloading began.  It has been a slow process at times, but here lately it has been fast.  Some of the sticks from my load came off with ease. Others were ripped off and pried from my fingers against my desires and with pain.  Yet I sit here now with 2/3 less of a load than I had 3 years ago.  I’m not sure how to feel about these changes. Some of the things I have given up were things I loved to do, but just needed some time to recoup from carrying such a huge load.  

Hosea 2:14- 16 has been rolling around in my thoughts this morning. “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and I will make the Valley of Achor (trouble) a door of hope.  There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.  “in that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’’ you will no longer call me ‘my master.’”

The nation of Israel had a hard time transitioning from slavery to being God’s chosen people.  They were so used to being told what to do that freedom to just be loved and taken care of was hard to embrace.  Relating to God as their “master” was easier to picture than their “husband”, one who cared for and loved them.  Their struggle with this left them chasing after the “Baals” or “lords” of idolatry, sacrificing to their dictates in hopes of winning some kind of favor with dead gods that could never fulfill them.

I’m like that at times.  It’s easier to load myself down with a to do list of tasks than to simply be loved by my Creator and enjoy the freedom He died to give me.  The times I’ve missed on my deck watching the sunrise with Him, He’s missed too.  He intended for me to come to Him and to let the burdens go, not pick up a list of tasks that I cannot achieve nor carry. 

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” That’s Jesus’ words to us all. Words we would all do good to listen to and simply obey. He beckons us to come. All we have to do is respond.

Enjoying the Abundance of Simplicity

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Each time I went through the ins and outs of pregnancy, you know the stuff no woman really wants to deal with but does so they can hold the prize of a newborn child, I would think to myself, “Someday, I will have a talk with Eve in heaven and let her know what I think of her boneheaded decision.”  Now that I’m starting to leave behind the childrearing years, I think Eve and I may have quite a bit in common that we could sit around a heavenly mocha and talk like old friends.  I’m not so sure that I would have done much better having to face the decision of what appeared to be an ordinary life of garden tending with my husband, or the pizzazz of knowing it all, being able to stand out above the rest and experience things that tantalizingly weren’t meant for me, but sure seem to be more than what I’ve got going in the present.  

This may be a woman thing, but I have my hunch that it is more than that, it’s a human thing. Always looking for the something bigger that we’re supposed to be about, but missing the spectacular in our lives that is right under our nose.  The problem is, if I am the proverbial donkey chasing the carrot all my life, going places but never getting what satisfies, I will live my life unsatisfied. I’m pretty sure that that wasn’t what God was aiming for in us.  When Jesus talked about the abundant life He came to give us in John 10:10, He meant abundant.  Last I checked abundance and unsatisfied don’t abide together very well as roommates.  

I end up talking quite a bit to women who are around 10 years younger than me trying to encourage them in the area of motherhood.  A friend of mine reminded me that that’s what us “older women of the church” are supposed to do.  (I have arrived! LOL) I see them struggling with the same feelings I had back when I started out my life with all 4 of my kids: an eight-year-old, a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a baby.  The first trip to Walmart with them left me in my Suburban, in tears.  I told God, “I can’t do this.  I can’t do four kids. What was I thinking?”

Laundry, messes, runny noses, fights, stomach bugs, head lice… You name it, I struggled through it with them.  It wasn’t the glamorous life I thought was lying just feet ahead of me if I stretched my neck a little more and grabbed the golden carrot.  Had I only had my eyes on what I wasn’t, I would have missed so much of what I was:  I was the rabbi for my little band of four disciples.  I had a brief stretch of time to tell them what I knew of God and I tried so hard to make sure It was told.  I was able to soak in so many magic moments: First steps, First words, twinkling playful eyes underneath construction paper masks we would make, laughter from building the most outrageous playdough figures, watching them sleep after nursing them in my chair (I’m pretty sure that’s as close to an angelic look they could muster).  Moments that would have been lost to me had I been looking everywhere else for the magic to appear. 

We live in a performance-based society.  What you do, your title, is commonly a sought-after commodity.  Somehow the title “Mom” doesn’t appear to be as appealing as the many other money-making titles that can follow our name.  We want to be somebody, have our few moments in the spot light.  Maybe we’re all a little bit like Eve, reaching out for the forbidden fruit that would make her spectacular in her own eyes.  

We so quickly forget what it was like with the simplicity in the Garden.  I think God wants us to move back towards that simplicity we had before the fall.  It’s what Jesus died and rose again so we could have.  Before things got complicated with the fall, life for Eve was time walking closely with God, living simply with her husband, and enjoying the things that God had surrounded her with.  

That sounds like the recipe for a better life for each of us moms and wives: Walk closely to God.  Enjoy what God has made you to be.  Soak in the time you have with your children (it will fly by faster than you wanted it to).  Remember the gift your husband was intended to be to you, enjoy the love story you are writing. These are the big things. Don’t miss them chasing something tiny and unfulfilling that will vanish like a mist that you can never hold.  

The Crescendo of Time

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I spend a lot of my time thinking about me. I imagine most people do: What will I do today? What will I eat? How will this life event affect me? How can I make the best possible outcome for me?

Even my pondering on God goes back to me: Does God hear me? Does God see what’s going on around me? What does God want me to do? Where does God want me to go?

Both of these scenarios are probably fairly normal for the human mind. I imagine God isn’t surprised by my self-centeredness. He knows me – thoughts, worries, ponderings, and all. In His eyes, I have vision like a new born baby. I can only see a few inches in front of me, which is why it is so good He holds me close. Because if left further out, I wouldn’t be able to recognize the smallest iota of Him and would feel so alone.

This morning I have been contemplating how human life, not just yours and mine, but all of it from the dawn of time until the day time is no more, is like a song. A song of worship to the one who created it. It starts in a tiny point when creation began and slowly increases in its intensity through the ages. The musical term for that is a Crescendo. Our lives are one small note played in the symphony orchestra of time. Our note we play is combined with the billions, maybe trillions, or beyond of other notes played on the sheet music of history. I have one chance to play my tiny part in this song of worship. One short dot in time to make my sound to bring glory to the One who created the Song. The question I’ve been thinking about is how will my tiny sound be? Will it be a sound played with all fervor to add to the crescendo of glory and worship? Or will it be a confused sound, fizzling out not playing it’s part in the song?

I get caught up, at times, looking for the next best thing to give myself to and I quickly forget that all I really need to do is concentrate on my note I play in the crescendo, and that I play it well. My days should be filled with sounding off His glory in what I do, what I say, and how I act. Recognizing the small things that are around me to do: laundry, cooking meals, loving my husband, my kids, my friends, and my neighbors well are what makes my sound stay on key for my part in the Crescendo. Enjoying the small things He has blessed me with are part of the sound of His note He has given me to make. For me my note I play seems like an eternity because I am too small to see the entirety of the piece written and orchestrated by God my Great Composer and Conductor. But in the scheme of things my part is one little millisecond of a note. A millisecond I want to play well and give honor with to the One who allowed me to be a part of His Crescendo because He loves me and wants to hear my part in the song He has written of His Greatness and His Glory.

Never Forget- A Time Such as This (repost from 9/11/2013)

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Never Forget… 12 years ago I turned on the TV to see what the Allergy Counts for the day would be and realized The Most Horrible Event of my lifetime had happened. I can remember going about my day stunned by how things were unfolding and wondering what kind of world I was raising my children in (ages 6,3, and 1) with such evil and heartache unimaginable. That night Rich and I stood on our back deck talking about such things. I remember finding comfort in the words of Esther 4:14 ” And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” My kids and my family were placed here in this time in history for “such a time as this”. Those words ring true today. I have to admit that it has been very difficult for me to read the news lately. The condition I see our nation in and the decisions being made in the leadership of it are at times frightening, but my hope is not in who is president and in congress or in what events may be happening around me. My hope is in God. When 9/11 happened for a short time there was a heightened spiritual awareness that occurred and people were turning to God in prayer more than ever. Our leaders held public prayer asking God for help. My prayer today as I reflect on 9/11 is that God would once again have mercy on our Nation and bring revival to His Church so that the Light of His Hope would spread into a world in such darkness and without hope… Never Forget what happened and Never Forget Who we turned to that day.

Boxed Curriculum, Busy Work, and Being

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20 years ago when my oldest was kindergarten age we started to homeschool. I wanted the best for my son so I went to an Abeka meeting at a local hotel and purchased the entire kit for kindergarten. Teachers manuals, flashcards, and all. When my boxes arrived I worked hard setting up the school room. I got a little wooden school desk for him at a yard sale. I hung up posters. Made folders up. Got my lesson plans ready. I was on top of it. Then the first day began.

Through out his preschool days he had already learned a lot. Mainly by us taking construction paper and doing little made up projects that I thought up on how to learn letter sounds and recognize numbers. Nothing formal, just us playing and learning together in a fun atmosphere, but in my mind, in order to do things right, I needed to become more disciplined and do everything by the books, literally…

That’s when the trouble began… My sweet 5 year old son struggled with the concept of sitting still and doing page after page after page of workbook work. There were no fun projects. It was just him at a desk with a pencil.

In order to get through a day, we would do 15 minutes on 15 minutes off. I would make him plow through every page. Even if he understood the concept. It was miserable for him. It was miserable for me. After several weeks of this, I started talking to a seasoned homeschool mom. She encouraged me to return to what worked: A little less busywork, a little more creativity and fun. Now 19 years later, with 3 kids graduated from our homeschool and either graduated college or in college, I’m on my final kid, a sophomore. He’s benefited from all the experiments I tried on his older brother, who I’ve jokingly referred to as “the guinea pig”. I’d like to think his learning through the years has been a combination of the best, creative fun learning experiences through the years.

This morning as I read my Bible I came across the story of Mary and Martha. I was contemplating my own life. How I’ve set up a lot of religious “busywork” trying to create “the best” Christian life I can. Running Bible studies, heading up ministries, going to leader meetings, etc. But somewhere along the line the “busywork” has stolen the joy of a creative, living, breathing relationship that I’m meant to have with Jesus. I’ve reduced myself to a lifestyle that mirrors the kindergarten year of my oldest son. “Sit here for 15 min. Do this work. 15 minute break. Repeat.” All of this to try to make something special out of my life for the Master.

I’ve been a lot like Martha, wanting to have things perfect. Having thrown several dinner parties in my home, I can imagine her thought process. Everything must be in place, sparkling, and the food needs to be excellent as well. Jesus pointed out that that was not his expectations. Mary’s approach was what touched His heart. She wanted to be with Him. Soak Him and every word He said in. Enjoy the moment with Him because the moment was all she had and soon it would be gone.

Lately, I’ve woke up in a new position. A lot of the things I was striving to do ministry wise have suddenly ended. All the busywork has stopped. I’ve awaken to a new possibility of letting the Martha in me go and embracing the Mary. In a homeschool mom’s terms: I’ve come to a place where I can let go of the boxed curriculum’s rigidity and embrace life giving and freeing lifestyle learning.

God give me the grace to open my eyes and enjoy the things I already have. Let the striving for more cease as I learn once again to sit still at your feet and soak who you are in. Let You be enough. Not what I think I can build to enhance the perfection that You already are. Let me be like Mary and sit at your feet, enjoying You and all that You have given me to enjoy.

“Lost the Plot”- How Did We Get Here?

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A few days ago another prominent Christian came out as questioning and denying his faith, Marty Sampson of Hillsong in Australia. For some reason the ins and outs of his Instagram confession have been reverberating inside of me. My own questions arise: As the church, how have we missed it that we have not addressed the issues he struggled with: “Preachers fall”, “Miracles don’t happen”, “Bible contradictions”, “a loving God sending people to Hell”, “Judgemental Christians”, and “Just Believe it- never doubt” ?

I think most of these questions are rooted in a much deeper issue than one of an individuals “crisis of faith”. I believe they come from a disillusioned parishioner of a well oiled, performance machine/ business that we commonly call “the church”. It’s an oh too common scene in our modern church world. How can we get more people, build larger facilities, create a more exciting atmosphere, have the best programs, be the “church” that has a name everyone knows? In the meantime the ones within the machine bear up under the weight of trying to be producers and workers instead of what we were meant to be “the bride of Christ”; a “family”, instead of a multi level marketing scheme that we buy in on in hopes of creating some kind of profit in our own life- the benefits of association I guess…

My heart aches for this man that I don’t know. Because all the questions he listed are questions that many struggle with and instead of reaching out with loving answers, we point our fingers and doubt the sincerity of all the years he tried to be what he says now he is not. It is sad to me that the weight of the lies he has struggled to overcome have now outweighed the truth in his life and now he finds himself on the outside of the church and his relationship with God and he is “fine with that”.

The Newsboys released a song in 1996 called “Lost the Plot”. The lyrics are a haunting reminder of where we land as a church:

“Out among free-range sheep

While the big birds sharpen their claws.

For a time we stuck with the Shepherd

But You wouldn’t play Santa Claus

Sigh.

Let’s be blunt.

We’re a little distracted.

What do You want?

Once we could follow,

Now we cannot.

You would not fit our image,

So we lost the plot

Once we could hear You.

Now our senses are shot.

We’ve fogotten our first love.

We have lost the plot.”

Is the gospel really reduced to an hour/ hour and a half production on Sunday that we can come in, go through the motions, and then go home, having checked off the box that we went to church on our “What Christians Do List”?

“We’ve forgotten our first love. We have lost the plot.”

I’ve been looking at accounts of the early church in Acts quite a bit lately. Trying to sort out in my mind and heart what we, as the church, should be looking like. I guess a lot of the picture I had in my mind of what it should be has become what it should not. Like the people in the time of the Tower of Babel we’ve ignored the order to go out and influence the entire world by multiplying in it and spreading out. Instead we’re content to build ourselves a tower and make a name for ourselves. We don’t want to be scattered we want what’s comfortable and convenient. Once again, we’ve “lost the plot”.

I keep wondering if there was some place and time in Marty Sampson’s life where his “religion” was more about “relationship”. Not only between himself and God, but between sincere believers that lived as family and not a business. That maybe within that time there was a seed planted of what it is we were supposed to be by now. Not all the trappings of a performance, music label, organization, etc. But an organism a living, breathing body that exists for so much more than building a name for itself, but as the bride, to know her groom, Jesus, in the most intimate way possible; as a family to laugh with those who laugh and cry with those who cry; as Jesus body to glorify God, not ourselves, in all we do with humility and love.

God grant us the grace to return to our first love.

Be Strong and Courageous

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Written 3 years ago as my Facebook Post, I needed this today:

Youthful zeal is a good thing. As a high school and college student, I had confidence in a God who answered my prayers and I knew that through Him I could conquer giants. Time and circumstances can wear away at your confidence, if given the opportunity, or time and circumstances can build your faith to see the faithfulness of God in all things.

I am struck this morning by the life of Joshua. He lived a long life and saw the miraculous. If I’ve got this all calculated out right, he crossed the Red Sea and saw the armies of Pharaoh drown in the water. He spied out the Promised Land at the age of around 40. He wasn’t intimidated at the size of the giants in the land or their fortified cities. Instead He boldly said, “The Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them.” (Numbers 14:9)

Due to the Israelite’s rebellion, he wandered with them for 40 years depending on the Lord’s provisions of Quail and Manna. He saw the constant complaining of the people. He was there when the people worshiped the golden calf. He experienced all the hardships of wandering and watched as one by one the people who rebelled died. Once again at the age of around 80 he was given the chance to go in and conquer giants.

This is what sticks out to me the most in the story of his life. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

God comes to Joshua and tells him, “You are going to lead this people into the land I have promised. I am going to go with you. You are going to conquer the land.” But more than anything, He tells Joshua more than once, “Be strong and courageous.” He encourages him to not be afraid. Could it be that there was a reason for that? Joshua knew what was ahead. He knew there were fortified cities. He knew there were giants. He saw them. Could it be that the 40 years of wandering and watching may have worked a little on his resolve? He knew he had a big God capable of miraculous intervention, but he also knew the hardship of walking out God’s plan for him in 40 years of wandering with God’s people. Maybe Joshua needed to hear God say, “Don’t be afraid.”

I’ve always pictured Joshua as some muscle bound, warrior. Chomping at the bit to go out and conquer it all. It’s quite a bit different to picture him as an 80 year old man, who has seen a lot in his lifetime and may be a little weary from the journey. It may be possible that Joshua needed to hear, “Be strong and courageous.” Straight from the lips of God. So he would know that God really wasn’t done with him yet. He had plans for him and promises yet to be fulfilled.

Giants in the land can be quite the intimidating thing. Fortified cities can stand before you as a mountainous obstacle. Wandering around for 40 years can wear on your resolve.

Sometimes I can look at what I perceive I must face in front of me and I may feel like the 80 year old Joshua inside of me. I know I have a faithful God. I have seen Him do great miracles. Yet I stand at the beginning of yet another adventure and wonder, “Do I have the stuff to conquer the giants facing me?” Here is where I can find great comfort in looking at the life of Joshua. Forty years later, at the age of 120, as he knew he was getting close to dying he says these words, “Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.” Joshua 23:14.

He fought many hard battles as they conquered the Promised Land. But he also knew the secret to his success. “The Lord God fights for you. Just as He promised. ” Joshua 23:10

My giants I face may stand looming as great opponents of significant size, but my God who fights for me is bigger than whatever battle I face. Not one promise of my God will fail me. They will all be fulfilled, and I stand as a victor against my enemies that rise up and try to cause me to walk in fear and doubt.

Now is not the time at the age of 45 to curl up and say that life is too hard. Now is the time to go on in and let the Lord fight for me as He leads me to the place He has given me. His place of Victory in Jesus.

Come and See

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Skepticism can run a mile deep in me. I’ve come to a place in my life that reflects what a true Missouri girl would say. “Show me”. But even when shown I’m still watching intently for some slight of hand, hidden agenda, inconsistency, etc.

I’ve been reflecting this morning on the words of Nathanael in the Bible: “Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked. “Come and see,” said Philip.”

John 1:45-46 NIV.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Nathanael is my kind of guy. When he was approached by Philip telling him he had found the messiah, Jesus of Nazareth, Nathanael’s caution alarms sounded and his skepticism wheels began to turn. I would estimate that it was all motivated by him going around the block one too many times with the people he had seen coming out of Nazareth. During his time, a Roman army garrison was located there. The very army that oppressed his people. He had probably seen the injustices and watched the politics played out as some of the Jews tried to “make the best” of the situation by compromising their morals and betraying their countrymen all in an effort to win the favor of their unwanted residents. So hearing that the Messiah, the one who was supposed to set all this wrong right, came out of that town set off a huge red flag. Thankfully he did find it within himself to check out the claims he heard, and when he encountered Jesus, Jesus told him “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.” Jesus recognized the truth that Nathanael wanted. He only wanted what was real. Nothing fake for that man, and Jesus assures him that his desire for the authentic would be satisfied with Nathanael seeing greater things than he could have ever imagined.

Jesus gets where we are coming from, and He understands our struggle with vulnerability. Especially in a world where vulnerability can often mean opening ourselves up to hurts that cannot be imagined. But He also calls us out to take the chance to believe and to hope. Knowing that His hope does not disappoint.

Nathanael had a choice that day. He could have declined the invitation to look, to go and see. It would have meant a life of the ordinary for him. If he had stayed where Philip found him and said, “I’m out”, he would have never encountered the one of whom he wondered “How do you know me?” One encounter with Jesus rocked his world of skepticism. It opened his heart to the vulnerability of believing and enabled him to receive things he probably never imagined possible growing up a boy in Cana just doing the daily ins and outs of life.

I find myself this morning sitting at a crossroad. Do I ball up in my corner and shut out the possibility of encountering something incredible? Or do I open myself up once again to feel. Feel not only the hurts that vulnerability can bring, but the joy and love it brings as well, and to experience the joy of being known as well as knowing the life that God intends for me.

I am really grateful that God saw fit to put this interaction between Nathanael, Philip, and Jesus in the first chapter of John. It gives me hope that in my times of questioning what is real and what is not, God doesn’t just mark me off for my struggling to believe. Instead He makes a point to clarify exactly where He has seen me in the past and where He plans to take me in the future when I acknowledge who He is: my God, my King, and the Teacher of how to get where He wants to go. He doesn’t give up on me. He encourages me to get up and move on. He’s got plans for me, and they are good. Whether I see it in the present or not. His invitation to me is the same as Philip gave to Nathanael, “Come and see”.

Leave the Heavy Lifting to Him

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Athleticism is not my forte. Especially when it comes to upper body strength. My 15 year old son had been working with a personal trainer to learn the ins and outs of weight lifting. He thought it was hilarious to see his 48 year old mom not only needed a spotter for the Olympic bar, all of the 45 lbs of it, when bench pressing, but could not even do one rep. Being that weak is just something he can’t even fathom. I told him over and over that I couldn’t do it, but he just had to see. I obliged, but I’m not a fan of the feeling of the struggle of a heavy bar on my chest. I had him promise to get me out from underneath it the second I told him I was overwhelmed. Which was within seconds of him helping me get the bar off the stand.

I’ve found myself on a spiritual weight bench lately. Struggling with a bar that I am in no means able to press on my own. For the observers out there it may look silly to see someone who has walked with the Lord as long as I have struggling under the weight of issues that appear to be the size of a bar with no weights. What’s worse is the feeling I get as it lays on my chest. Anxiety has risen its ugly head more than once in the past few weeks. Creating discomfort in the physical that reflects the condition of the mental and spiritual side of me. I’ve sat here this morning contemplating the place I’ve found myself in. I’m sure what I’m trying to lift was never meant for me to press on my own. I need for my “spotter”, the Holy Spirit, to come put His hands on the bar and lift this weight off of my chest. There’s no shame in admitting that I’m unable to lift it alone. The problem comes when I think it is all up to me and refuse to ask for His help and His healing of the things that I cannot fix on my own.

Galatians 5:1 says “It was for freedom that Christ has set us free.” His intention was not for me to prove my value or worth by taking my turn on the weight bench of life pressing the heaviness of the enemies’ lies and attacks.

It’s high time I owned up to the truth like I did with my son. I’m not a weight lifter. So I’m not going to get on that bench any more. Whether it be physically or spiritually. I’m going to leave the lifting to the expert. The one who took care of it all on the cross. When He lifted my freedom up in conquering the weight of my past, my sins, and the things I am too weak to bear.