Category Archives: death

Is Jesus Enough?

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What a week!  News nationally, state wide, and locally has gone from bad to worse.  Our small town that seemed to be so isolated from it all has developed five local cases of Covid-19.  I took comfort thinking, “At least I don’t live in the big city…” Now not so much any more…

Last night we decided to video chat with some friends we used to have a home fellowship with on Messenger. It was like water to a thirsty soul.  For about 15 min or more we laughed at each other as we, a group of 40’s/ 50’s year old’s, tried the different effects out and lamented how we wished there was an app for playing “Village Idiot” card game so we could play once again together.  It felt good to look at the faces of friends we have been doing life with for years, some of them for almost 20 years. After a while we started asking each other how they were holding up.  In our group, we have a pharmacist, a nursing director for a nursing home, a nuclear professional, a building contractor, and a couple of stay at home moms.  My heart ached as we talked about the fear people have and the measures we have had to go to in order to try to slow the spread of this dreadful disease.  My friend who worked in the nursing home talked about how they have had to limit the old people to their rooms in hopes of isolating them better, families bringing dry erase markers and playing tic tac toe outside of their windows and exchanging smiles.  My friend who works at the pharmacy talked about the extra orders of medicine and the lack of Tylenol for people who actually have something else, like the flu because of the panic buying.  We rounded off our evening with praying for each other and specific situations we are aware of, such as a mutual friend in the ICU currently hanging on to his life while his wife is praying not only for him to live, but that sh0e won’t have to leave his side because of Covid-19 protocol that has to be enacted.  Hard times…

As I laid my head on my pillow last night, I kept hearing the words, “Is Jesus Enough?” rolling around in my head.  It seems quite unfair for all these bad events to culminate at once, and these are just the few I know of in my little corner of the woods.  The more I thought about those words, “Is Jesus Enough?” The more I concluded, “Oh yes Lord, I know you are more than enough.”
Although these are crazy/ hard times, I have seen crazy/ hard times before.  At age 21, I lost a precious friend in a tractor accident while working at a church camp.  The very camp I came to know Jesus in.  I’ve watched loved ones suffer as cancer slowly, but really not so slow, took it’s toll on their bodies.  I’ve experienced the pain of miscarriage, loved ones deaths, limiting illnesses of those close to me, friends struggling with infertility, unfair abuse being heaped upon the innocent, etc.  And in each of those situation, I have seen Jesus be enough. 

My first and only experience with watching someone die has been my father in law.  For a little over a year,  he suffered as an aggressive form of prostate cancer ravaged his body, but with each visit, even up to his very last he never failed to grab ahold of us and pray for God to bless us. On his last day, I sat by him on his bed. As I watched him gasping for breath and then breathing so shallow, I saw him utter words after a complete day of saying nothing and showing no response. Moments before he took his last breaths. He suddenly began to speak, “Jesus… Jesus… Jesus…” and then he was gone.  It was in that moment that I felt something that I’ve never felt so strong.  It was God’s presence in the room.  The most heartbreaking, gut wrenching moment of our lives was made peaceful by a moment and a truth that is engraved in my heart. “Jesus is enough.”

I am a creature of comfort.  I would rather laugh, than cry.  I don’t enjoy pain. I have no desire to walk through difficulty, but I know that no matter what may come in the days, weeks, months ahead, “Jesus is enough.”

Psalm 16 has been rolling around in my heart today.  “Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.  I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing… Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.”” This Psalm was written by David.  David was a man that God describes as a man “after God’s own heart.”  David pursued a relationship with God.  He wrote many songs and poems expressing His love for God, at times rejoicing, at times lamenting, at times happy, at times sad.  David expressed it all.  He had times of great victory and times of great defeat, times of overwhelming joy and times of overwhelming grief.  But in it all He said, “God you are my portion.”  “You are my everything.”  David didn’t allow fear to rule over him because he had confidence that he would see God’s goodness.  I can be confident of the same.

Things may go well,this virus quickly passes by, and my life returns to normal.  Or, things may never be the same, pain, sickness, and death may come to me or those around me, but I have this confidence, “My Jesus is Enough!”

I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I am practicing social isolation with four others, my husband and kids ages 16-21, here in a home that a few months ago seemed too big for us because it was often empty as we all ran our different directions living our lives. Now it seems too small as we all hunker down in one place together and it continues to rain outside… To lighten the mood we have posted some crazy videos of us singing “La Bamba” and rapping a rap I wrote 30 years ago in college about accidently hitting a cat with a car: Purely a joking/ crazy song intended for laughter, not violence against kitties.  (I have one I dearly love living in my house right now.)

I’ve posted these videos on Facebook and had friends from decades ago, laughing and sharing crazy stories of fun times passed by.  It was one comment that my cousin I haven’t seen in years stuck out to me as I laughed at the different replies.  “Had to share your post with pride– this is history and you are handling it with some awesome sauce instead of panic that is out there.  Making the best out of our situation.”  I thought about what she said, and contemplated what has made the difference.  Once again I come back to the answer of why I can have peace and joy in the midst of times of fear and sadness.  Jesus is enough!

(I’ve not really went here before on my blog, because I usually write as a therapeutic aid to my soul.  But I want you to know you too can experience this hope, peace, and joy. I would be happy to point the way and pray for you in the things you are facing.)

 

Nothing But Blue Sky Above the Storm

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“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:1-2 NIV

Wow! What a week! At the beginning of the week, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a meme that said, “Time change, a full moon, Friday the 13th…What could possibly go wrong?” I laughed at the pile of superstitions heaped onto one week, and scrolled on. I don’t believe that any of that had any weight to bear on where we are after this week of frightening announcements and unprecedented actions of our leaders. Gazing at the “natural realm” after the past week could make it quite possible for a person to be left shaking in their boots. But I can assure you that when I laid my head on my pillow last night I slept with perfect peace. Because I am assured that my God is in absolute control, and I know He cares for me.

I’ve openly shared in this blog that I struggle with the thoughts in my mind.  I think that’s pretty common for the human condition. It’s a struggle that I have, at times, felt very defeated in. I have tried so many different techniques to try to conquer the fears, anxiety, and at times torments that have existed in my mind. Some successful, some not so much… Recently, I have been approaching the fight with an all weapons out approach. Everything from uplifting music, self-care, and exercise, to Bible meditation, Bible study, prayer, counseling, etc. It really seems to help. One of the videos I watched recently on focusing our thoughts has had a profound impact on me.  Especially after taking the little gem of information it held and combining it with what the Word of God says.  

The video pointed out how our minds are like the blue sky. Occasionally we see a peaceful little cloud float by and that doesn’t bother us so bad because we can still see the blue.  However, there are times that storms rage and it seems the blue sky has disappeared, but just like an airplane can rise above the storms and see the blue again we know the blue is always there.  

I like this illustration better when I put God into the equation.  My mind focused on Christ is like the blue sky.  It’s the mind “set on Christ, Things above.” Occasionally cute little white clouds float by and get my attention.  They may be daily interactions with loved ones that are seemingly unspiritual, enjoying a cookie, laughing at a funny meme on Facebook etc.  I notice them, but over all the blue sky (Jesus) is the main focus of my mind.  Occasionally a storm starts to blow.  As it comes in, I find myself unable to see the blue sky (Jesus) and focus on it.  I know deep in my heart He is there somewhere.  But the Holy Spirit has given me the power to rise above the storm of my mind. He is the airplane that can help me to fly above the clouds and once again see the blue sky, Jesus, having confidence that the storm will pass in time.  But HE, Jesus, the blue sky will never leave me. 

I went grocery shopping Thursday morning, as the fears of COVID 19 were starting to ramp up in my area of the Nation. I was amazed at the similarities in the over all moods of my co-shoppers that were with me and the moods of the co-shoppers I felt the evening of 9/11/2001 when I went to Walmart, the somberness, anxiousness, etc. It seems that the over all feelings of uncertainty, panic, and being out of control had hit everyone. As I was checking out, I heard an older gentleman talking to his checker and discussing the current situation. After a few words, he said, “We don’t have to fear. God is in control.” He had his mind set on the “Blue sky- Jesus” that reigns above the storm. That impressed upon me the importance of this moment we live in. While talking to my kids that remain at home, trying to give them a sense of stability in a tumultuous week, where their social lives and school lives have been wrought with changes, not to mention, dad coming home to work for several weeks (something they have never seen), I quoted a Bible verse. “Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 NKJV

This is our time to shine! It is the time I can point out how I have found peace in a mind that struggles. It is a time that I can speak peace to my neighbors, friends, and family that surround me. Jesus is the blue sky above the storm, whether it be anxious thoughts in my mind, or a global pandemic. I can rest in Him. Could I or someone I love suffer in the upcoming weeks? Yes, that is a possibility, but I know that Jesus is the healer. Whether HE steps in a physically heals our afflictions, or I stand face to face with Him in the time of my death. (Not that I’m afraid I’ll get sick and die). I am with Him. I can be at peace. I can let my mind rise above the clouds that try to keep it constrained, and fly high in the blue sky of God’s love knowing that He cares for me. I can be free from fear.

What’s Left After the Fire?

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My grandparent’s house burnt when I was in fifth grade.  It was a total loss. It literally burnt to the ground.  They lived out in the country before the rural fire district covered their area.  No fire trucks came.  They stood out in the ice-cold December weather watching all they had worked for go up in flames. There was no home insurance on the property so they literally had to start from scratch and rebuild their lives. The generosity of neighbors and friends helped them to start the process, and within a few years they had regained much of what they lost.  

I can remember, as a kid being amazed at how everything was gone.  Grandpa and Grandma did manage to escape their house with a few belongings: a tv, a few of my Grandma’s paintings she had made, and a sewing machine. But all the things that made their house, their house was only ashes.  I would walk around, dig in the ashes, and think that maybe I would find something of significance in the rubble, but I only found melted metal and glass.  It impacted me deeply to think about how quickly ever thing can be gone. Every thing with the exception of a stone wall that was part of the front of the house. It stood.

That old farm house had wiring issues that started the blaze in the attic.  It’s really no surprise that it smoldered and then burnt so quickly.  When it was built no fire-retardant materials were a consideration.  Sprinkler systems weren’t even an option.  In fact, the stories I recall of my grandparents standing outside the house thinking of their brand-new smoke detector (the first they had ever owned) still in the box, and how they made it out alive by “chance” that Grandpa happened to look up in a certain area of the house and see flames leaping, was kind of amazing in my child like mind.  After all, it was the early 80’s technology, as we know it, was just in it’s beginning stages and home fire protection was a new thing so smoke detectors weren’t as common. 

This morning I have been reflecting on 1 Corinthians 3:11-15. TPT and how it applies to my life.  “For no one is empowered to lay an alternative foundation other than the good foundation that exists, which is Jesus Christ! The quality of materials used by anyone building on this foundation will soon be made apparent, whether it has been built with gold, silver, and costly stones, or wood, hay, and straw. Their work will soon become evident, for the Day will make it clear, because it will be revealed by blazing fire! And the fire will test and prove the workmanship of each builder. If his work stands the test of fire, he will be rewarded.  If his work is consumed by the fire, he will suffer great loss. Yet he himself will barely escape destruction, like one being rescued out of a burning house.” My grandparents made it out, but had they not seen the coming danger that night as they went to bed, they very easily could have not. So many of us live our lives this way.  We carelessly allow the things that are not profitable to build our lives. Things that won’t stand the test of the fire of time.  We go along with our warning signals to impending danger, disconnected and laying away in a box.  We are content with the possibility of “barely escaping destruction” because we would rather build our houses our way than to spend our time consulting “The Master Builder” and asking Him for the eternal material to build our lives with. 

Our Master Builder, Jesus, wants us to prosper and to be built magnificently containing all the best of His life building materials he has available to us. The materials that withstands the hurricane force winds of life that will try to reduce us to a pile of rubble, or the flame retardant strong materials that deflects the leaping flames of trials and temptations that if allowed to catch fire to anything in our lives would quickly leave us with ashes, emptiness and smoldering smoke or a life in ruin. 

The choice is ours of whom we will have as the chief contractor of our lives: Jesus, the eternal builder, or ourselves, short sighted and ill equipped. 

The reality of the situation is that we will face the fire in some fashion or form.  The question is will what I have built be able to stand? Will I, at the end of my life, be able to look upon a building of fine materials that God placed within my walls? Or will I watch the hay and stubble of carelessness go up in flames and hope to escape with my shirt on my back?  The only way to be assured of these answers is to stay close to our Master Builder and watch diligently what I allow to build my life.  Because what He gives me to build with is very good, and because of His great love, His design for my life is perfect. 

 

A Hope That Does Not Disappoint

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Romans 5:5 has been echoing through my mind this morning. “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Romans 5:5 NKJV

Disappointment, that’s a word that has marred my life at times. Since It keeps running through my mind I figured I might as well check out the dictionary definition. “Defeat or failure of expectation, hope, wish, desire or intention; miscarriage of design or plan.” Webster’s 1828.

“Miscarriage of design or plan.” Wow! That sticks out. 16 years ago, after a year of trying to conceive, I miscarried a baby. Talk about a huge disappointment. It’s just not the way it’s meant to be. From the moment you become aware you have conceived and you hear the heart beat of a little one, the dream of how it is supposed to go becomes the gospel truth in your head. The design is to carry the baby nine months, Go through labor and delivery, and hold a beautiful baby in your arms. When it ends in anything but that, expectations are crushed.

Loss of any kind brings so much disappointment. We’re supposed to have perfect families, perfect marriages, perfect health, etc… it’s just the way the design should be. Or is it?

Eight years ago our family experienced 2 significant losses. The death of my father in law and my nephew was lost a sea while serving in the Navy. Both of these losses occurred within 15 days of each other. Two funerals within a month. It was a huge disappointment. It wasn’t the way it was supposed to go.

In recent years, I’ve watched my mom and my mother in law suffer from the effects of cancer. Once again a disappointment. Not exactly the way I had planned it would be.

In fact my mom has suffered for 19 years with the effects of cancer having survived breast cancer, but left with tremendous pain and now suffering with late stage ovarian cancer. It’s not the way it should have been, a disappointment. It’s a “miscarriage of a design or plan” what should have been.

The focus on these disappointments can paralyze you if you let it. It will hold you down with fears of moving, living, carrying on… Because the question comes, when will the next big hammer fall?

BUT… we have this hope. It’s a hope that does not disappoint. It doesn’t miscarry it’s designed purpose. It doesn’t bring you so far and drop you like a hot rock. It’s the one sure thing we can bank on no matter what twist or turn we face on planet earth. It’s the sureness of God’s great love and His promise that He will never leave us no matter what we walk through. It’s the confidence that although we live in a fallen world marred with disappointment and pain, we have a better place, which is really our home, waiting for us in Heaven. The things that were miscarried, cut short, flawed, and a disappointment, are only a small period of time in the light of eternity in a land where there is no suffering and no more pain.

Eight years ago when we went through such great loss, one of my children asked me why we had to lose my nephew and my father in love. It’s hard to explain that to an adult, but a kid makes it all the worse. I told them “I don’t understand why these awful things happen, that’s what makes heaven, heaven and where we live earth, earth. I can’t understand why we have to hurt sometimes and why bad thing happen. But I know God is good, and I have to trust that someday it will all make sense.”

God is good. His hope does not disappoint. It will accomplish exactly what it was conceived to do. His hope will lead me on in His love knowing that when all this is done, it will all be made right. No more suffering, whether it be physically or mentally, No more pain. Only joy and peace and perfect love when we stand face to face with Jesus in eternity’s hall.

“Hope doesn’t disappoint.” Sink your teeth into that one. Grab ahold and don’t let go. It’s a precious promise that brings peace when things here on earth are far from what you dreamed they would have been.

The Final Awakening-

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23a08a6c-6245-4a5e-b42c-5fb20aaf897fAround the time that Rich’s dad was suffering greatly from cancer, Rich and I took our kids to see “Narnia- The Voyage of the Dawn Treader” at the movies. In the movie there was a brave little mouse Reepicheep. He was a scrapper who fought for Aslan’s honor. The whole movie and the book that inspired it is an allegory of great spiritual significance. My kids may not have gotten it but my husband and I did. With all the events of our life at that time being what they were we both broke into tears as the little mouse stuck his sword in the sand and said, “I won’t be needing this any more” He then began to make the voyage to Aslan’s land, a symbol of heaven. Our kids were amused to see mom and dad crying at a kids movie about a quote from a mouse and continually teased us after we left the movie. I turned to them and said, “It was so true, he didn’t need his sword. His fighting was over. He was going to be with Aslan.” Once again tears welled up in my eyes and once again the kids giggled.

It’s been almost 8 years since we saw that movie and it is still the topic of a good hearted laugh about how mom and dad cried at “Narnia”.

I sit here today contemplating that scene again. I don’t know why we have to look at death with sorrow and finality. Actually I guess I do, but I think our limited view skews the reality.

My husband stumbled upon a song by Molly Skaggs on Ricky Skaggs’s album Mosaic. Called “I’m Awake Now”. Upon first listening to it I determined I never wanted to hear that song again. It’s all about that final step from here to eternity and how instantly we are awakened. It’s hard to imagine a life anywhere besides here. But the Bible gives us glimpses of what it will be like.

I had told my husband I didn’t like the song because it was about dying. He replied, “It’s about life.” Sometimes we hold onto the lives we have like they are Gollum’s “Precious”. It’s only because we haven’t seen any better with our physical eyes. Death is a passing, not an end. We would do well to remember that.

The things we have fought, or watched the ones we love fight, are no longer a struggle when we at our appointed time “Awake” to our new life. Not only are sicknesses and diseases swallowed up in Jesus’s victory over death, but fears and torments are no more when we stand face to face in the presence of the one who paid it all so we can live, Jesus. His perfect love finally casts out every fear as we see Him face to face. We too will finally get to lay down our swords because we won’t need them anymore.

The words to that song have been echoing in my head today.

“I’m Awake Now, No Mistake Now,

I’m Awake.
It’s OK Now, I’m Safe Now,
I’m Awake, I’m Awake, I’m Awake Now.

Ooooh, Ohhhh….

I Wondered If I Would Get Through It
And Come Out On The Other Side.
What You’ve Heard- There’s Something To It,
And Now My Eyes Are Open Wide.

I’m Awake Now, No Mistake Now,
I’m Awake.”

I’ve stood at the bedside of someone I loved as I watched their last breath, and honestly the thought of standing beside others I love as they close their eyes has been a dreaded event for me.

But “the sting of death” is gone when I realize they’re not sleeping. They’re awake to worlds and realities that my mortal eyes can’t see, and it will seem like a moment to them that we are separated. Just like an earthly nap seems like a minute, and my “Awakening” will come when I have done what I was placed here to do.

“I’m awake now, make no mistake now. I’m awake.”