Category Archives: fear

Leave It All Behind

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Genesis 12:1 MSG “God told Abram: “Leave your country, your family, and your father’s home for a land that I will show you.”

While growing up in the 70’s/80’s, one of my favorite TV shows was “Little House on the Prairie”. If I listen closely in my mind, I can hear the theme song starting up with the view of a covered wagon being pulled along. The TV show is a classic. I could watch the reruns over and over. There’s something about the Ingalls family arriving out in the vast openness of unsettled territory and building something of their own against opposition that strikes a warm feeling in my heart. The bravery and unity makes it a novelty to the adventurous side of me. Leaving it all behind and starting out fresh. That’s an adventure.

The Bible is full of stories of people who left the familiar behind to pursue the extraordinary. From Abram, later Abraham, to Moses and the Jews, to the disciples and their fish nets, to the prostitute brought to Jesus to be judged and then executed, but was told to go and sin no more. Leaving behind is a concept that God championed from the moment Adam and Eve decided to pick up sin in the Garden and began the burden carrying of the human race. It would take a “leaving behind” of sorts to really be free.

I’ve often thought of the courage it took to hop into a covered wagon with husband and kids and traverse such a long distance that seeing family and the town you grew up in would become virtually impossible. That is truly leaving it behind. That’s the kind of courage that Abram needed to get up and leave all the familiar to pursue the promises in the vastness of the Call of God. Abram did what God wanted with full assurance that the One who called him out was taking him to a better land. He believed he would see a “city whose architect and builder was God” Hebrews 11:10.

There are places, in our minds, that are very hard to “leave behind” Anxieties, Guilt, false responsibility, fears, etc. I have wrestled with walking away from them on the daily. I try to imagine how it would be if I were to hop on a covered wagon and travel for days to a new place far away from them. It would be impossible to pick them up or entertain them in the least. I would be “forced” to entertain the factors of the New Life. The truth of the matter is that I do have a New Life, and I am not “forced” but invited to leave behind and travel far away from the land of captivity I have lived. I can leave behind the anxieties and pick up trust. I can leave behind the guilt and pick up my freedom from fault. I can leave behind all the false responsibility I have carried and accept what is truly mine to maintain. I can leave behind the fears and pick up the courage to accept what is. I can drop off the chains because I am free.

When the crushing weight of what I was never meant to be tries to weigh my mind down, I can get out from underneath it all. Because I am a new creation that is free.  God has called me out. 

I love Galatians 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” God wants us free. He wants us to know a life without the burdens we carry, some self-imposed, some others imposed. As it says in Psalms 40, God has lifted us from a pit and set us upon a rock. He has filled our mouths with a new song of praise to God. So that many will see just what God can do and put their trust in Him. Our leaving behind the old to pursue the vast newness of God’s Freedom Frontier is a testimony to all those behind us struggling in their own pits. It speaks of how you can be pulled out and move on to the Land of the Blessed Life that Jesus died to give. The land of freedom for which Christ in His great love has set us free to explore and enjoy.

Speak Peace: It Is So

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“When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid.” Mark 5:15

There’s an account in the Bible of a mad man, demon possessed. He lived among the tombs, had unusual strength, ran around naked, and broke any chains or shackles they used to subdue him. He spent his days cutting himself with stones and crying out. His encounter with Jesus was life changing for him to say the least. After Jesus cast the demons out of him and sent them to a heard of pigs the man was found sitting near Jesus, clothed and perfectly sane. Such a story of hope for anyone who struggles in their mind.

I’ve never lived a life comparable to that man, but I have known torments within my mind. The truth of Jesus being all powerful, sovereign, and the healer, brings such comfort. I’ve experienced that power in my own life. I have known the terror of nightmares. I have lived a fear-based life. I’ve known the compulsion to get up and check door locks several times at night, and feel the ceiling for heat of a possible fire in the attic. I’ve experienced sleepless nights with my mind running, and trying to numb the noise with loud music blaring in my ears to drown it out. In all these things, I also know the peace Jesus has brought to me. Like the man possessed by demons, I have had an encounter with the Prince of Peace. He has quieted the storms in my mind.

I can also say that the phrase, “You’ve come a long way baby.” Means quite a bit, and I know I still have a long way to go. I’m reminded of the account in the Bible of the Israelites possessing the promised land. They didn’t get all of it in one day. They had many battles. Many battles that taught them to fight. Many battles that taught them to trust. The battles I’ve fought have been much like that. One stronghold at a time being torn down. When the struggle to leave behind the nightmares was going on I could not imagine a night of peace without them. When I checked the doors at night, it was hard to imagine going to bed without contemplating it once. Stronghold by stronghold, battles fought, battles won. Peace given to a heart that desperately needed to know peace.

I once heard Beth Moore say how desperately she needed Jesus and His word.  That had it not been for the word of the Bible and how it had reshaped her mind, she would not have the sanity she has.  I agree with that sentiment.  I can not be thankful enough for the truth that God’s word, “renews my mind”.  That healing has brought so much peace. But I also know the reality that there are many more giants to slay.

Elevation Worship has a song called “It Is So”.  There’s a phrase in it that has meant a lot to me lately:  

“By Your stripes, I am healed
With one touch I am made whole
You have spoken, and I know that it is so
In the storm You are peace
And Your love won’t let me go
You have spoken, and I know that it is so”

Jesus looked at the demon possessed man in Gerasenes.  He spoke freedom for him from the thousands of torments he was controlled by, and at that word there was peace. He spoke and it was so.  What a comfort to know that the same power, love, and words of peace are extended to me today.  When I come to Him struggling with anxiety or any other struggle I may face, I can know that He speaks and It is so.  

I love the picture of peace when I think of that man sitting clothed and in his right mind.  It’s that picture that God wants to make a reality for anyone who comes to Him.  Jesus paid the price. “It is so.”

The Monkey On My Back Vrs. Free

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When my youngest son was a toddler, he was a runner. Let him out of his car seat and he had no intention of staying with you. He would take off, or he may try the opposite of dragging his feet and lingering behind. It was quite unnerving to this mother of four. As they say, “desperate times call for desperate measures” I resorted to those “desperate measures” … I got a leash. At first, I struggled with the idea. I had judged other moms with their toddlers in leashes before the realization came that I needed to become “one of those moms”. So, with no shame, I went to Walmart and found the cutest little leash. It looked like a monkey back pack that you would strap on the toddler. Then the tail that came off the monkey was the leash. The cuteness of the leash took away the sting of guilt I felt when I put it on him and grabbed the tail. At least I had the runner contained.

Everything was great until the day I took him downtown to trick or treat the business of our small town. I attempted to put the cute little leash on him. At that point my son had figured out how restricted he felt his life was with it.  He decided to throw a toddler revolt like none other.  He started screaming as loud as he could, “I DON’T WANT THE MONKEY ON MY BACK!!” over and over as he threw himself face down on the sidewalk. We ended up in an agreement that day.  I told him if he would hold my hand and stay very close to me, I would leave the monkey off, but if he tried anything at all, the monkey would be on his back again.  This became a regular threat that seemed to work with him.  As I unbuckled him from his seat, I would tell him he could walk on his own and hold my hand.  But just one time of him leaving my side and I would get out the monkey.  He would say with the most sincerity, “Ok momma, I don’t want the monkey on my back. Please don’t put him on my back.”  Win for mom.  Win for son.  

There are a lot of parallels between my toddler son with his monkey leash and me with life.  There are so many “monkeys” that can be strapped to my back. Some of them I put on willingly, some I have put on me, some I’m not sure what happened exactly but I’ve found it strapped on and confining me. I, like my son, do not like having “the monkey on my back”.  So, I go to God and ask Him to set me free.  God most assuredly does set me free, but the degree to which I experience the freedom from the “monkey” is also related to the degree to which I walk closely to God. I am sure I am not alone in my disdain for the “monkeys”.  “Monkeys” such as addiction, anxiety, depression, etc. just to name a few, plague us all. It’s the whole reason Jesus came.  He knows we all experienced the bondage of the “Monkeys”, but He also knows how to remove and dispose of the “Monkeys”.  

I’ve been contemplating a couple of verses in Psalms the past few days, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.  Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.” Psalms 32:7-8 

God wants to keep us close.  He’s extended the invitation to us to “Come near to God and He will come near to us…”  James 4:8 His desire to keep us close is for our own good.  We may not always understand the paths He wants us to walk down, but He wants us to hold his hand and walk with Him.  We, on the other hand, get our own ideas of where we want to go and what we want to do.  We may run ahead trying to figure out where exactly we’re going so we can try to control what happens, or we may do our best to lag behind, drag our feet, and avoid the path God brings us to due to fear of what may come.  God wants us to not be like that.  His reasons are for our good. He wants to “instruct us and teach us in the way we should go.”  and all this with “His loving eye on us.”  He loves us. That’s the motivation, love.  God instructs us to not be like a horse that needs a bit and bridle to come close to Him.  He looks at us much like I looked at my toddler son.  I preferred to not have “the Monkey on his back”.  But I did what I had to insure He understood how important it was for him to stay nearby. Ultimately it was for his safety and well-being.  Ultimately, me staying close to God, listening to His still small voice, and responding to His leading is for my spiritual safety and well-being as well.  God doesn’t want to see me with a proverbial “monkey on my back” as well, He wants me free.  But that freedom and safety only comes as I am close to Him and experience His love. The things that entice and entrap me only have their power to do so when I find myself doing my own thing resisting the closeness of being by His side, or hiding from Him because I don’t see Him as He is, a loving Father. 

Jesus said in John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life” John 14:6. He is in the business of getting rid of our “monkeys”. The question is, “Will I walk close enough and be open enough to Him to let Him do it?”

(Side note: while preparing this Blog my son, now 16 saw the above picture of the Monkey Leash. He said, “What on earth is that for?!?!” I told Him my Blog. He then replied, “Oh… I hate that thing!” Lol)

Peace Flowers Sprouting in My Mind

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“It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” I’m pretty sure that quote was about the weather in Missouri. Monday this week was almost 70 degrees, by Wednesday we had 4 inches of snow.

I value my sunshine. I probably have a touch of S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) if I’m honest about it. I’m a warm weather, sunny day, good mood kind of person, which might necessitate a move down South when my husband retires, or at least a yearly Caribbean cruise in February. (hint, hint if you’re reading this Rich)

Anyway, during my one warm day I took a walk around and looked at my different flower beds which I discovered last year that I actually like working in and that I might possibly have a green thumb. (Long story). I noticed that I had some plants coming up. Plants from some Amaryllis belladonna “Naked Ladies” bulbs my son and I planted last spring. I was surprised to see them because the situation for that particular area I planted wasn’t the greatest, it didn’t drain well and was overrun with weeds at the end of summer. So, I chalked it up to a flower gardening fail. When I looked down and saw the small green plants poking through the soil, I thought of the verses in Galatians 6:7-9 “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” What I planted really did come up even if I gave up.

I’ve been contemplating these verses a lot this week.  Mainly because it’s a part of a devotion book I’m reading Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge.  He was talking about how our time spent with God was like planting seeds.  If we are faithful to plant them, God is faithful to grow His character in us.  As he puts it, “This kind of sowing will produce a harvest in your walk with Him. It will change you and, in turn, begin to affect everything around you.” 

That’s exactly what I need. I’ve been looking at the things I struggle with mainly anxiety and depression, and how I long for God to bring out His fruit in my life: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Goodness, and Self-Control. So, I began to think about what kind of Seed I need to plant into my heart and mind to take the place of the weeds of anxiety and depression the enemy has sown. Where do I need to fix my mind when it tries to spiral down that path? I was reminded of another verse.
Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.” Back when I was in high school, I stumbled across this verse and committed it to memory. I remember it being a source of comfort when I struggled then with the fears of What will I become? Where will I go? Etc. Typical teen stuff. It was what I needed then, but it is also what I need now.

Joyce Meyer wrote a book called, The Battlefield of the Mind. There’s a lot of truth conveyed in that title. My mind is a battlefield, and it’s not a war that will stop after a few good fights.  I will have to fight for my peace and my freedom within my mind until I stand face to face with Jesus.  I’ve got to decide if my happiness and joy is worth the effort to fight for it.  If so, how will I wage war? There are some victories that God gives us as we stand by and watch Him work with His power and glory.  But there are others that He wants us to take a stand in and rely on Him to arm us for battle.  

A few years ago, I began seeing a Christian Counselor for the struggles I have had within my mind. She’s given me a lot of practical ideas that help with my mood and attitude like exercise, sunshine, and gardening. But one thing she told me was how true Philippians 4:8 really is. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things… And the God of peace will be with you.” She told me “It’s a matter of replacing the negative thoughts with the positive thoughts of God.”

I’m seeing a pattern here. If I am wanting to reap a harvest of peace, or see “peace flowers” come up in my mind, I need to keep my mind on the Prince of Peace, Jesus and think of all the qualities He has that are listed Philippians 4:8, and also because I am His, He has put these qualities within me. It might take a while, I may not see immediate result, and I can guarantee you that I’ve felt like many times that my mind was as ill prepared as the small flower garden area I planted the Naked Ladies Bulbs. But God assures me, What I plant I will get back. I can trust in Him to do just that. Keep looking. The green sprouts will eventually press their way through.

Grandpa’s Radio and Lessons in Listening

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My Grandpa was a welder and a machinist. He worked out of a shop on his farm in a small rural community. He loved to be in his shop. When I was little I always found it intriguing to go out to his shop and watch him weld. He would give me a mask and the sparks would fly. There was a distinct hum of busyness in his shop when he was in it. It would drown out the one constant noise that was always present whether Grandpa was there or not, a radio. Grandpa had the same old radio on day and night 24/7 in the room, on a shelf, next to his lathe. I guess it kept him company as he worked long hours. He loved to listen to the local news, the swap shop, and the local personalities as they broadcasted daily.

I’ve been reflecting this week on listening to God and hearing His voice. As I contemplated how much I need to listen for God to speak to me, I thought about Grandpa’s radio. So many times I would go to his shop and it was always playing. For decades it played, with exception of the occasional power outage. Sometimes I would hear it distinctly. But other times I would not hear it over the humming of Grandpa’s lathe or the banging of a hammer. However it was always there. I would hear it if I chose to listen.

God’s voice is similar to Grandpa’s radio. The humming of life drowns out His still small whisper. Not because the humming is more powerful, but because I choose to focus on it. Sometimes the banging and clatter of life’s messy circumstances try to drown out His voice as well. They try to distract me from turning my ear towards God. It’s easy to get distracted.

The point of all this is God definitely speaks. He promises me in no uncertain terms that it is possible to hear Him. In John 10:27, Jesus promises that “My sheep hear my voice…”. It’s the way He has designed this relationship. He is the good Shepherd who calls to me and I am the sheep who hears. In fact, He encourages “Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear.” He wants us to listen to Him because what He speaks are words of life. I am the one who must pause and listen to hear what He has to say.

One of the voices that tends to shut out His words of life and peace is the voice of anxiety that tends to bang and clamor louder than Grandpa’s hammer on a busy work day. It not only shouts, but it consistently nags from inside distracting from the joy and peace that Jesus died and rose again to give. The thing about it is it can take willful practice to learn how to tune it out and switch the channel in your mind and heart to listen to the good voice of the Prince of Peace. For me, it takes a daily time sitting in the still of my house before everyone wakes up and my day hums at a volume louder than the constant quiet sounds of the gentle ticking of my wall clock or the air quietly blowing through our heat ducts. I sit in that quiet place and read a scripture and listen. Pretty soon I can focus in on His voice that has always been there. That same beautiful voice has the power to silence the storms inside and outside of me. The Gentle voice of Peace, Love, Joy, and Goodness has never stopped speaking to me. It was that He was only waiting for me to focus in and listen. Like I did many times as I stood in the open door of Grandpa’s shop wondering if what turned into a legend among us grandkids was true. “Does Grandpa’s radio always play?” Yes it does. It is a constant. His radio never was shut off. “Does God have something to say?” Yes He does. He never left me alone. I just need to listen.

My Heavenly Father’s Workbench (Originally written 5/11/17)

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When I was growing up, my dad had a large wooden workbench in his garage. It was the place my dad took things that needed to be fixed. Car parts, plumbing, broken furniture, etc. would find its way to the workbench. It was understood that if something needed to be fixed we could put it on his workbench, and when he had time after he got off of work and went into his garage, he would take a look at it. Usually it would come back to me repaired. My dad always had a knack for fixing broken things.
This morning I have been reflecting on Isaiah 30:15-16, 18.
“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’
Therefore you will flee!
You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’
Therefore your pursuers will be swift!
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!”
How often I want to trust in my own self to fix the broken things in my life? How often do I refuse the comfort and compassion of God for situations as I, as the verse says, would rather trust in my own horses and my own strength?
It occurred to me that my Heavenly Father has a workbench, a place I can take my broken things and leave them. He has a place that if I would only recognize that it is not worth me holding on to the broken pieces, but would let Him have it, He can take them and make them better than new. He is waiting for me to have the childlike faith that I used to have for my earthy daddy, knowing that if I just leave it on His bench and not mess with it anymore, my Heavenly Daddy can fix anything.
It’s not easy letting go. Especially when you like to have control, but holding on to the things that are broken in our lives and hiding in our rooms with them, staring at the mess, turning it over and over, studying it, will never solve anything.
We need to place it on God’s workbench, and walk away. Confident that He is able to take care of us no matter what we find broken in our lives.

Just Come

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I tend to complicate things, and sometimes the image I present to you may become more important than the content of my heart. I want you to see the good things about me. Especially when I present it on social media. You would know I am having the worst possible day of my life if I posted a status of “having a horrible day, my life really stinks”. I reserve that kind of feeling and show for those closest to me, my inner circle. I want to put on a good show.

I believe that is how a lot of us approach God. We tend to base our relationship with Him on our external display of our piety. “Look at me God, I gave some money.” “Look at me God, I did a good deed. ” “Look at me God, I am sacrificing my time, talents, and abilities in Church programs to prove my devotion to you.”

Our displays of devotion are microcosms of displays that other “devotees” around the world put forward to try to “pay” the price to somehow make themselves right.

Years ago I was struck by images I saw of a group of Filipinos on Good Friday. They tried to show their devotion to God by literal self flagellation and ultimately crucifying each other. I was shocked at how the report said these poor people would crawl on hands and knees for miles to a church to offer their acts of penance to God in hopes of His acceptance of them. “Here I am God. Look how much devotions I have. I have beaten myself, crawled for miles and allowed those around me to drive literal nails in my hands to display my devotion.”

So sad!

This morning I have been reflecting on Matthew 6:5-6 NIV in my time with God.

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Jesus spelled out in very plain words the way to approach Him: intimately as a child with their father in a private place, secretly. One on one.

There’s no set of rules, requirements, and expectations to be met. Simply come.

Come as you are afraid, doubting, and heartbroken. Trade these in, in the secret place for faith, boldness, and peace as you pour out your heart to Him. Nothing complicated or impossible. Simple humbleness before the One who desires to mold us and fashion us there in that secret place to be what He always intended for us to be.

I’m always awed by the size of a mustard seed. It is smaller than the font I have chosen to write this blog. Yet that is the size of what Jesus said our Faith could be and still move mountains. We are the ones who tend to complicate. We do so, so much that it sometimes paralyzes us to inaction. “I can never be enough for God so why try?” All the while He is waiting for us to Just come. Come with what little we have to that secret place with Him. Open our hearts to Him so that we find there the intimacy He literally died to give us.

No need to complicate things. No need to present an image to Him. He already knows. “Just come”.

2020 God’s Year to Restore see

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I was in high school when God really got ahold of my life, and for a teenager I was pretty radical in trying to communicate it to everyone around me. I was one of those carry my Bible to school teens, and together with a couple of close friends I helped to start and lead a before school prayer group in my high school’s cafeteria. Then came the college years, I got involved in a campus ministry, and I was determined to do everything I could to show my generation the love of God and His power.

God has His ways of tempering a rough around the edges zealot. Lol. It’s called marriage, motherhood, and life. It’s not that I’ve lost my fervor and zeal. It’s just a process of deepening and enriching a relationship. It’s the understanding that comes when your newborn ends up in the NICU because of breathing problems and you feel so alone because your husband can’t wake up due to lack of sleep. So you call out to the only one who never sleeps and who never leaves you. It’s the comfort you receive after the miscarriage of a pregnancy you had been waiting for for a year. It’s the assurance of more to life after suffering two losses of a father in love and a nephew within 15 days of each other. The assurance that a God is there with you when you feel life couldn’t possibly get any harder or feel any worse. That’s the stuff that knocks off the rough edges of pride and self sufficiency in a person.

Sometimes the difficulties may wear the edges down too much, and you forget. That’s where I have found myself at times this year, while walking through some very tough situations with ones I love. I know I’ve got a deep well to draw from in my relationship with the Lord, but retrieving the bucket with the extra long rope can be overwhelming at times.

This morning when I woke up I remembered a time when I was younger that I would ask God to speak something new to me about the New Year. I would anticipate that verse or word to come and really set the tone for what is to come. I felt like God was impressing me to ask. But I, in my worn down fashion, thought… “uh no, well ok. What do you want to say to me God?” Then I opened my email to see this verse on my “Abide” app email.

“The years of the locust…”

Immediately my mind went to a time this year while sitting in the waiting room at a hospital waiting to hear what could be done to help my daughter after her suicide attempt. Satan had done all he could possibly do to try to destroy her. But God was bigger.

Then I thought of the positions I’ve stepped down from this past year. My husband and I have joked about how the song “Nobody” by Casting Crowns was our new theme song. If we ever felt like we were somebody we can be comforted knowing we can be “just a nobody trying to tell everybody about somebody who saved my soul.”

There had been struggles in other areas of our lives as well.

2019 seemed like a year the locust had a feast in our lives in some areas. But the good news is when the locusts have been having a feast, God promises to “restore”- to bring back to its former state, as good as new, or even better.

God is a God of restoration. His power “makes all things new” even the things that look irreparable. Because He is good!

There’s a song out by Bethel called “The Goodness of God”. It has been my theme song as of late. When we can’t see which side is up and our eyes are blind with pain we can be assured that God’s goodness is running after us. And the things that have been broken beyond repair are restored in God’s healing hands.

The locusts May have stripped our hearts bare, but God. He restores, and I am anticipating this year to be the year of restoration because of His goodness. Welcome 2020.

I Am Afraid

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Admitting a feeling is a risky business. Especially when you’ve lived your life with a “don’t ever let them see you sweat” mentality. Today I am going to risk appearing weak, faithless, and vulnerable by admitting I am afraid. I have a situation looming in front of me. It could go one of two ways. When I look at it, I have to admit… I am afraid. It’s ironic to me that David in the Psalms also had something he was afraid of and yet he didn’t try to ignore it. He didn’t try to play out the super spiritual person and not speak of it for fear of confessing bad things. He laid it out squarely before God. He told God what he was afraid of and presented every aspect of his fear to God. Then he told God in spite of what he felt, the fear, he was going to trust God. It’s little wonder to me that the Bible refers to David as a “man after God’s own heart.” God doesn’t expect us to try to hide how we feel. It’s much better to just step on out into the light and admit it’s there and let Him do what only He can do. For me to try to put on the brave face and suck it up is like the equivalent of Adam and Eve in the garden trying to sew some leaves together to hide their nakedness. God already knew what they looked like inside and out. There’s no hiding ourselves from Him.

Yes… I am afraid. But I also know that there is a God who is bigger than my fear. I’m pretty sure that He delights in showing me just how big He is. Opening the door and letting Him see my fear gives Him the opportunity to let His love fill the room in my heart where the fear has been. That love fills, floods, and flushes out the fear that is trying to infect the core of me. “Perfect love casts out all fear.” It’s that small movement of trust that opens the door to let Him in. I feel afraid, here it is. This is what I feel. You see it and I will say that it is there, but I chose to trust You in the face of that fear.

“But in the day that I’m afraid, I lay all my fears before you and trust in you with all my heart.” Psalm 56:3 TPT

Never Forget- A Time Such as This (repost from 9/11/2013)

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Never Forget… 12 years ago I turned on the TV to see what the Allergy Counts for the day would be and realized The Most Horrible Event of my lifetime had happened. I can remember going about my day stunned by how things were unfolding and wondering what kind of world I was raising my children in (ages 6,3, and 1) with such evil and heartache unimaginable. That night Rich and I stood on our back deck talking about such things. I remember finding comfort in the words of Esther 4:14 ” And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” My kids and my family were placed here in this time in history for “such a time as this”. Those words ring true today. I have to admit that it has been very difficult for me to read the news lately. The condition I see our nation in and the decisions being made in the leadership of it are at times frightening, but my hope is not in who is president and in congress or in what events may be happening around me. My hope is in God. When 9/11 happened for a short time there was a heightened spiritual awareness that occurred and people were turning to God in prayer more than ever. Our leaders held public prayer asking God for help. My prayer today as I reflect on 9/11 is that God would once again have mercy on our Nation and bring revival to His Church so that the Light of His Hope would spread into a world in such darkness and without hope… Never Forget what happened and Never Forget Who we turned to that day.