Category Archives: God

Just Come

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I tend to complicate things, and sometimes the image I present to you may become more important than the content of my heart. I want you to see the good things about me. Especially when I present it on social media. You would know I am having the worst possible day of my life if I posted a status of “having a horrible day, my life really stinks”. I reserve that kind of feeling and show for those closest to me, my inner circle. I want to put on a good show.

I believe that is how a lot of us approach God. We tend to base our relationship with Him on our external display of our piety. “Look at me God, I gave some money.” “Look at me God, I did a good deed. ” “Look at me God, I am sacrificing my time, talents, and abilities in Church programs to prove my devotion to you.”

Our displays of devotion are microcosms of displays that other “devotees” around the world put forward to try to “pay” the price to somehow make themselves right.

Years ago I was struck by images I saw of a group of Filipinos on Good Friday. They tried to show their devotion to God by literal self flagellation and ultimately crucifying each other. I was shocked at how the report said these poor people would crawl on hands and knees for miles to a church to offer their acts of penance to God in hopes of His acceptance of them. “Here I am God. Look how much devotions I have. I have beaten myself, crawled for miles and allowed those around me to drive literal nails in my hands to display my devotion.”

So sad!

This morning I have been reflecting on Matthew 6:5-6 NIV in my time with God.

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Jesus spelled out in very plain words the way to approach Him: intimately as a child with their father in a private place, secretly. One on one.

There’s no set of rules, requirements, and expectations to be met. Simply come.

Come as you are afraid, doubting, and heartbroken. Trade these in, in the secret place for faith, boldness, and peace as you pour out your heart to Him. Nothing complicated or impossible. Simple humbleness before the One who desires to mold us and fashion us there in that secret place to be what He always intended for us to be.

I’m always awed by the size of a mustard seed. It is smaller than the font I have chosen to write this blog. Yet that is the size of what Jesus said our Faith could be and still move mountains. We are the ones who tend to complicate. We do so, so much that it sometimes paralyzes us to inaction. “I can never be enough for God so why try?” All the while He is waiting for us to Just come. Come with what little we have to that secret place with Him. Open our hearts to Him so that we find there the intimacy He literally died to give us.

No need to complicate things. No need to present an image to Him. He already knows. “Just come”.

2020 God’s Year to Restore see

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I was in high school when God really got ahold of my life, and for a teenager I was pretty radical in trying to communicate it to everyone around me. I was one of those carry my Bible to school teens, and together with a couple of close friends I helped to start and lead a before school prayer group in my high school’s cafeteria. Then came the college years, I got involved in a campus ministry, and I was determined to do everything I could to show my generation the love of God and His power.

God has His ways of tempering a rough around the edges zealot. Lol. It’s called marriage, motherhood, and life. It’s not that I’ve lost my fervor and zeal. It’s just a process of deepening and enriching a relationship. It’s the understanding that comes when your newborn ends up in the NICU because of breathing problems and you feel so alone because your husband can’t wake up due to lack of sleep. So you call out to the only one who never sleeps and who never leaves you. It’s the comfort you receive after the miscarriage of a pregnancy you had been waiting for for a year. It’s the assurance of more to life after suffering two losses of a father in love and a nephew within 15 days of each other. The assurance that a God is there with you when you feel life couldn’t possibly get any harder or feel any worse. That’s the stuff that knocks off the rough edges of pride and self sufficiency in a person.

Sometimes the difficulties may wear the edges down too much, and you forget. That’s where I have found myself at times this year, while walking through some very tough situations with ones I love. I know I’ve got a deep well to draw from in my relationship with the Lord, but retrieving the bucket with the extra long rope can be overwhelming at times.

This morning when I woke up I remembered a time when I was younger that I would ask God to speak something new to me about the New Year. I would anticipate that verse or word to come and really set the tone for what is to come. I felt like God was impressing me to ask. But I, in my worn down fashion, thought… “uh no, well ok. What do you want to say to me God?” Then I opened my email to see this verse on my “Abide” app email.

“The years of the locust…”

Immediately my mind went to a time this year while sitting in the waiting room at a hospital waiting to hear what could be done to help my daughter after her suicide attempt. Satan had done all he could possibly do to try to destroy her. But God was bigger.

Then I thought of the positions I’ve stepped down from this past year. My husband and I have joked about how the song “Nobody” by Casting Crowns was our new theme song. If we ever felt like we were somebody we can be comforted knowing we can be “just a nobody trying to tell everybody about somebody who saved my soul.”

There had been struggles in other areas of our lives as well.

2019 seemed like a year the locust had a feast in our lives in some areas. But the good news is when the locusts have been having a feast, God promises to “restore”- to bring back to its former state, as good as new, or even better.

God is a God of restoration. His power “makes all things new” even the things that look irreparable. Because He is good!

There’s a song out by Bethel called “The Goodness of God”. It has been my theme song as of late. When we can’t see which side is up and our eyes are blind with pain we can be assured that God’s goodness is running after us. And the things that have been broken beyond repair are restored in God’s healing hands.

The locusts May have stripped our hearts bare, but God. He restores, and I am anticipating this year to be the year of restoration because of His goodness. Welcome 2020.

You Stepped In 12/20/2013

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This popped up as one of my memories on Facebook. I wrote it 6 years ago during a time of reflection on the Christmas Season. It’s easy to get caught up in all the ins and out of life’s struggles and forget. Forget the victory over all our struggles (anxiety, fear, etc.) has already been won. It was won so many years ago when our hero the Prince of Peace stepped in:

I really love a hero. Two of my favorite movies are Superman and The Lone Ranger. There is something about a story where everything seems lost and then the hero steps in and saves the day. I was thinking about that this morning. Christmas is all about the Hero of heroes stepping in. He stepped in our world in the most unsuspecting way and pulled off the greatest rescue of all, the rescue of our souls. Habakkuk 3:13-14 “You came out to deliver your people to save your anointed one. You crushed the leader of the land of wickedness you stripped him from head to foot. With his own spear you pierced his head…” What a victory! Brought to us on a night many years ago in the form of a little baby, who was announced by angels and worshiped by Shepherds. That is how our Hero stepped in…

You Stepped In

It seemed Hope was Gone and Darkness reigned,

All was lost in lives of pain.

Hearts were cold and lives undone.

Under oppression from the evil one.

Then You stepped in.

You stepped in one dark night

A hero to rescue us, to shine Your light.

You stepped in the most unlikely place.

You came to us in the most unlikely way.

This Baby born in a place so poor.

A King for all and Deliverer of our souls.

The One who came to set things right.

You stepped in that wonderful night.

We might have missed and not understood.

You lived your life here doing Good.

You healed the sick and showed us what was right.

You gave us all in giving up your life.

All hope seemed lost and darkness reigned,

All was lost in our lives of pain.

Death seemed to have won once again,

But You stepped in.

The Grave cannot hold The King of Kings

He is alive and Now living in me.

My life is changed and I am free.

Because You stepped in and rescued me.

I Am Afraid

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Admitting a feeling is a risky business. Especially when you’ve lived your life with a “don’t ever let them see you sweat” mentality. Today I am going to risk appearing weak, faithless, and vulnerable by admitting I am afraid. I have a situation looming in front of me. It could go one of two ways. When I look at it, I have to admit… I am afraid. It’s ironic to me that David in the Psalms also had something he was afraid of and yet he didn’t try to ignore it. He didn’t try to play out the super spiritual person and not speak of it for fear of confessing bad things. He laid it out squarely before God. He told God what he was afraid of and presented every aspect of his fear to God. Then he told God in spite of what he felt, the fear, he was going to trust God. It’s little wonder to me that the Bible refers to David as a “man after God’s own heart.” God doesn’t expect us to try to hide how we feel. It’s much better to just step on out into the light and admit it’s there and let Him do what only He can do. For me to try to put on the brave face and suck it up is like the equivalent of Adam and Eve in the garden trying to sew some leaves together to hide their nakedness. God already knew what they looked like inside and out. There’s no hiding ourselves from Him.

Yes… I am afraid. But I also know that there is a God who is bigger than my fear. I’m pretty sure that He delights in showing me just how big He is. Opening the door and letting Him see my fear gives Him the opportunity to let His love fill the room in my heart where the fear has been. That love fills, floods, and flushes out the fear that is trying to infect the core of me. “Perfect love casts out all fear.” It’s that small movement of trust that opens the door to let Him in. I feel afraid, here it is. This is what I feel. You see it and I will say that it is there, but I chose to trust You in the face of that fear.

“But in the day that I’m afraid, I lay all my fears before you and trust in you with all my heart.” Psalm 56:3 TPT

Don’t Miss It!!!

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I’m often stunned by how quickly beautiful moments come and beautiful moments go. This morning, after getting the turkey in the smoker, I was sitting in my easy chair next to my husband sharing time in the Bible and a cup of coffee. I looked out my window and saw the most stunning sunrise. The colors of orange, purple, yellow, and blue lit up the eastern sky. I mentioned it to my husband and he said “Yes, it’s beautiful.” We continued our conversation and then moments later I looked out the window and it was gone. The sky returned to a cloudy, overcast blue.

Today is a day of Thanksgiving. It is a day of reflection on the goodness of God in our lives over the past year/ years. It is a moment, just like that sunrise, where I can see unimaginable beauty, and then in another moment it will be gone. Changed by the March of time.

I’ve don’t this Thanksgiving thing for 48 years now. Each one is different. People have come and people have gone. Each one was a moment that I need not ever miss. Today as I reflect on the good things that have come to my life this past year I look forward to the good things that will come in the New Year, and most certainly I don’t want to miss the moment I have. I’ve went from a battle with 4 kids tearing through my house trying to keep the chaos clean for family to come for the holidays, to only two older teens being left. So many moments just like this morning while my husband and I sit side by side enjoying a cup of coffee and talking about life, observing a sunrise together. It’s so good but then it’s gone. So many moments have come and gone. So many I didn’t want to miss.

I am thankful for the blessings of God on my life. I’ve walked through good times and excruciatingly painful times. He has always been there. He’s given me many moment just like today that I need to just soak in and enjoy. Because 10 years from now everything once again will be changed, and this moment I didn’t miss will be a treasure I can reminisce about and be thankful that I didn’t miss in the years to come.

Don’t miss it today! All the business that perfection of the presentation of our feast, the cleanliness of our homes, the stress these things can bring, can be robbers of the moment that only will come once and then be gone. Soak it in! Embrace it for the moment you have! And Thank God for the life He has given that provides all these beautiful moments we have been blessed with. Happy Thanksgiving and Don’t miss it!

Superwoman or Slave- Is there a difference?

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I am superwoman, or at least that’s what I think I am.  I’m pretty sure I’ve lived with a superwoman complex for quite awhile in my life.  If my life looked like someone carrying a load of firewood in their arms, I would be the one with wood stacked up over my face, struggling to hold what I have, yet telling you to go ahead and pile another log on top of my stack.  “No” feels like a dirty word to me as it rolls off my lips. If I’m honest, I’ve lived much of my adult life overloaded.  

A few years ago, I was involved in a Bible study with some ladies. We were encouraged to write down our pressures of our life so we could pray about them.  My list of responsibilities came to twenty-one items. I can remember writing them out and thinking about how I couldn’t fathom letting go of a single one. I was needed by others and I had to serve.  However, this list of responsibilities had consumed my time so much so that my time had to run like a well-oiledmachine, lest one little distraction from it would become a stick in my cog in the wheel and cause my machine to grind to a halt.  The thought of that happening was frightening to me.  I began to realize that something had to give.  I needed to let go of my load one task at a time.  

It’s pretty easy to forget that the life Jesus died to give us is not a life bound up by slavery and taskmasters, being driven from task to task until we fall down exhausted at the end of the day.  Instead He is a shepherd who wants to lead us. Not from task to task, but from field to field of provision given by the gentleness of His hand.  

A few years before the infamous “list of responsibilities” was written, I had a practice that has been neglected as of late.  Every morning I would grab a cup of coffee, go up on my deck, and watch the sun rise.  It was a time of quiet reflection and prayer. I would sit in awe of the artistic beauty God had created as the colors in the sky slowly bounced against the wispy clouds and glistened on the trees and grasses of the fields. It was there that I would take time to write poetry and pray and I felt the closeness of God.  As each taskmaster shouted out at me through the years, my time became less and less on the deck enjoying the gift of the sunrise waiting for God to gently lead me through the day.  I responded to the demands and believed the lie that yelled that everything was all up to me.  Then as I submitted to their demands, my time on the deck slowly dwindled to none.  

Since I wrote that list a few years ago, the unloading began.  It has been a slow process at times, but here lately it has been fast.  Some of the sticks from my load came off with ease. Others were ripped off and pried from my fingers against my desires and with pain.  Yet I sit here now with 2/3 less of a load than I had 3 years ago.  I’m not sure how to feel about these changes. Some of the things I have given up were things I loved to do, but just needed some time to recoup from carrying such a huge load.  

Hosea 2:14- 16 has been rolling around in my thoughts this morning. “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and I will make the Valley of Achor (trouble) a door of hope.  There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.  “in that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’’ you will no longer call me ‘my master.’”

The nation of Israel had a hard time transitioning from slavery to being God’s chosen people.  They were so used to being told what to do that freedom to just be loved and taken care of was hard to embrace.  Relating to God as their “master” was easier to picture than their “husband”, one who cared for and loved them.  Their struggle with this left them chasing after the “Baals” or “lords” of idolatry, sacrificing to their dictates in hopes of winning some kind of favor with dead gods that could never fulfill them.

I’m like that at times.  It’s easier to load myself down with a to do list of tasks than to simply be loved by my Creator and enjoy the freedom He died to give me.  The times I’ve missed on my deck watching the sunrise with Him, He’s missed too.  He intended for me to come to Him and to let the burdens go, not pick up a list of tasks that I cannot achieve nor carry. 

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” That’s Jesus’ words to us all. Words we would all do good to listen to and simply obey. He beckons us to come. All we have to do is respond.

Enjoying the Abundance of Simplicity

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Each time I went through the ins and outs of pregnancy, you know the stuff no woman really wants to deal with but does so they can hold the prize of a newborn child, I would think to myself, “Someday, I will have a talk with Eve in heaven and let her know what I think of her boneheaded decision.”  Now that I’m starting to leave behind the childrearing years, I think Eve and I may have quite a bit in common that we could sit around a heavenly mocha and talk like old friends.  I’m not so sure that I would have done much better having to face the decision of what appeared to be an ordinary life of garden tending with my husband, or the pizzazz of knowing it all, being able to stand out above the rest and experience things that tantalizingly weren’t meant for me, but sure seem to be more than what I’ve got going in the present.  

This may be a woman thing, but I have my hunch that it is more than that, it’s a human thing. Always looking for the something bigger that we’re supposed to be about, but missing the spectacular in our lives that is right under our nose.  The problem is, if I am the proverbial donkey chasing the carrot all my life, going places but never getting what satisfies, I will live my life unsatisfied. I’m pretty sure that that wasn’t what God was aiming for in us.  When Jesus talked about the abundant life He came to give us in John 10:10, He meant abundant.  Last I checked abundance and unsatisfied don’t abide together very well as roommates.  

I end up talking quite a bit to women who are around 10 years younger than me trying to encourage them in the area of motherhood.  A friend of mine reminded me that that’s what us “older women of the church” are supposed to do.  (I have arrived! LOL) I see them struggling with the same feelings I had back when I started out my life with all 4 of my kids: an eight-year-old, a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a baby.  The first trip to Walmart with them left me in my Suburban, in tears.  I told God, “I can’t do this.  I can’t do four kids. What was I thinking?”

Laundry, messes, runny noses, fights, stomach bugs, head lice… You name it, I struggled through it with them.  It wasn’t the glamorous life I thought was lying just feet ahead of me if I stretched my neck a little more and grabbed the golden carrot.  Had I only had my eyes on what I wasn’t, I would have missed so much of what I was:  I was the rabbi for my little band of four disciples.  I had a brief stretch of time to tell them what I knew of God and I tried so hard to make sure It was told.  I was able to soak in so many magic moments: First steps, First words, twinkling playful eyes underneath construction paper masks we would make, laughter from building the most outrageous playdough figures, watching them sleep after nursing them in my chair (I’m pretty sure that’s as close to an angelic look they could muster).  Moments that would have been lost to me had I been looking everywhere else for the magic to appear. 

We live in a performance-based society.  What you do, your title, is commonly a sought-after commodity.  Somehow the title “Mom” doesn’t appear to be as appealing as the many other money-making titles that can follow our name.  We want to be somebody, have our few moments in the spot light.  Maybe we’re all a little bit like Eve, reaching out for the forbidden fruit that would make her spectacular in her own eyes.  

We so quickly forget what it was like with the simplicity in the Garden.  I think God wants us to move back towards that simplicity we had before the fall.  It’s what Jesus died and rose again so we could have.  Before things got complicated with the fall, life for Eve was time walking closely with God, living simply with her husband, and enjoying the things that God had surrounded her with.  

That sounds like the recipe for a better life for each of us moms and wives: Walk closely to God.  Enjoy what God has made you to be.  Soak in the time you have with your children (it will fly by faster than you wanted it to).  Remember the gift your husband was intended to be to you, enjoy the love story you are writing. These are the big things. Don’t miss them chasing something tiny and unfulfilling that will vanish like a mist that you can never hold.  

The Crescendo of Time

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I spend a lot of my time thinking about me. I imagine most people do: What will I do today? What will I eat? How will this life event affect me? How can I make the best possible outcome for me?

Even my pondering on God goes back to me: Does God hear me? Does God see what’s going on around me? What does God want me to do? Where does God want me to go?

Both of these scenarios are probably fairly normal for the human mind. I imagine God isn’t surprised by my self-centeredness. He knows me – thoughts, worries, ponderings, and all. In His eyes, I have vision like a new born baby. I can only see a few inches in front of me, which is why it is so good He holds me close. Because if left further out, I wouldn’t be able to recognize the smallest iota of Him and would feel so alone.

This morning I have been contemplating how human life, not just yours and mine, but all of it from the dawn of time until the day time is no more, is like a song. A song of worship to the one who created it. It starts in a tiny point when creation began and slowly increases in its intensity through the ages. The musical term for that is a Crescendo. Our lives are one small note played in the symphony orchestra of time. Our note we play is combined with the billions, maybe trillions, or beyond of other notes played on the sheet music of history. I have one chance to play my tiny part in this song of worship. One short dot in time to make my sound to bring glory to the One who created the Song. The question I’ve been thinking about is how will my tiny sound be? Will it be a sound played with all fervor to add to the crescendo of glory and worship? Or will it be a confused sound, fizzling out not playing it’s part in the song?

I get caught up, at times, looking for the next best thing to give myself to and I quickly forget that all I really need to do is concentrate on my note I play in the crescendo, and that I play it well. My days should be filled with sounding off His glory in what I do, what I say, and how I act. Recognizing the small things that are around me to do: laundry, cooking meals, loving my husband, my kids, my friends, and my neighbors well are what makes my sound stay on key for my part in the Crescendo. Enjoying the small things He has blessed me with are part of the sound of His note He has given me to make. For me my note I play seems like an eternity because I am too small to see the entirety of the piece written and orchestrated by God my Great Composer and Conductor. But in the scheme of things my part is one little millisecond of a note. A millisecond I want to play well and give honor with to the One who allowed me to be a part of His Crescendo because He loves me and wants to hear my part in the song He has written of His Greatness and His Glory.

Never Forget- A Time Such as This (repost from 9/11/2013)

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Never Forget… 12 years ago I turned on the TV to see what the Allergy Counts for the day would be and realized The Most Horrible Event of my lifetime had happened. I can remember going about my day stunned by how things were unfolding and wondering what kind of world I was raising my children in (ages 6,3, and 1) with such evil and heartache unimaginable. That night Rich and I stood on our back deck talking about such things. I remember finding comfort in the words of Esther 4:14 ” And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” My kids and my family were placed here in this time in history for “such a time as this”. Those words ring true today. I have to admit that it has been very difficult for me to read the news lately. The condition I see our nation in and the decisions being made in the leadership of it are at times frightening, but my hope is not in who is president and in congress or in what events may be happening around me. My hope is in God. When 9/11 happened for a short time there was a heightened spiritual awareness that occurred and people were turning to God in prayer more than ever. Our leaders held public prayer asking God for help. My prayer today as I reflect on 9/11 is that God would once again have mercy on our Nation and bring revival to His Church so that the Light of His Hope would spread into a world in such darkness and without hope… Never Forget what happened and Never Forget Who we turned to that day.

Boxed Curriculum, Busy Work, and Being

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20 years ago when my oldest was kindergarten age we started to homeschool. I wanted the best for my son so I went to an Abeka meeting at a local hotel and purchased the entire kit for kindergarten. Teachers manuals, flashcards, and all. When my boxes arrived I worked hard setting up the school room. I got a little wooden school desk for him at a yard sale. I hung up posters. Made folders up. Got my lesson plans ready. I was on top of it. Then the first day began.

Through out his preschool days he had already learned a lot. Mainly by us taking construction paper and doing little made up projects that I thought up on how to learn letter sounds and recognize numbers. Nothing formal, just us playing and learning together in a fun atmosphere, but in my mind, in order to do things right, I needed to become more disciplined and do everything by the books, literally…

That’s when the trouble began… My sweet 5 year old son struggled with the concept of sitting still and doing page after page after page of workbook work. There were no fun projects. It was just him at a desk with a pencil.

In order to get through a day, we would do 15 minutes on 15 minutes off. I would make him plow through every page. Even if he understood the concept. It was miserable for him. It was miserable for me. After several weeks of this, I started talking to a seasoned homeschool mom. She encouraged me to return to what worked: A little less busywork, a little more creativity and fun. Now 19 years later, with 3 kids graduated from our homeschool and either graduated college or in college, I’m on my final kid, a sophomore. He’s benefited from all the experiments I tried on his older brother, who I’ve jokingly referred to as “the guinea pig”. I’d like to think his learning through the years has been a combination of the best, creative fun learning experiences through the years.

This morning as I read my Bible I came across the story of Mary and Martha. I was contemplating my own life. How I’ve set up a lot of religious “busywork” trying to create “the best” Christian life I can. Running Bible studies, heading up ministries, going to leader meetings, etc. But somewhere along the line the “busywork” has stolen the joy of a creative, living, breathing relationship that I’m meant to have with Jesus. I’ve reduced myself to a lifestyle that mirrors the kindergarten year of my oldest son. “Sit here for 15 min. Do this work. 15 minute break. Repeat.” All of this to try to make something special out of my life for the Master.

I’ve been a lot like Martha, wanting to have things perfect. Having thrown several dinner parties in my home, I can imagine her thought process. Everything must be in place, sparkling, and the food needs to be excellent as well. Jesus pointed out that that was not his expectations. Mary’s approach was what touched His heart. She wanted to be with Him. Soak Him and every word He said in. Enjoy the moment with Him because the moment was all she had and soon it would be gone.

Lately, I’ve woke up in a new position. A lot of the things I was striving to do ministry wise have suddenly ended. All the busywork has stopped. I’ve awaken to a new possibility of letting the Martha in me go and embracing the Mary. In a homeschool mom’s terms: I’ve come to a place where I can let go of the boxed curriculum’s rigidity and embrace life giving and freeing lifestyle learning.

God give me the grace to open my eyes and enjoy the things I already have. Let the striving for more cease as I learn once again to sit still at your feet and soak who you are in. Let You be enough. Not what I think I can build to enhance the perfection that You already are. Let me be like Mary and sit at your feet, enjoying You and all that You have given me to enjoy.